Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Tests
Americans
Race
Rather
Perry
Whether
Christie
Would
Executed
Eaten
Test
More quotes by Andy Borowitz
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Andy Borowitz
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Andy Borowitz
Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
Andy Borowitz
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
Andy Borowitz
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
Andy Borowitz
I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
Andy Borowitz
Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
Andy Borowitz
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
Andy Borowitz
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
Andy Borowitz
The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy Borowitz
Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
Andy Borowitz
As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
Andy Borowitz
Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
Andy Borowitz
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
Andy Borowitz
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy Borowitz
If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
Andy Borowitz