Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
Andy Borowitz
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Wells
Losing
Oppose
Well
Republican
Coverage
Every
Concerned
Stamps
Believe
Cutting
Guns
Would
Health
Republicans
People
Food
Worried
Law
Gun
Didn
Suddenly
Regulating
More quotes by Andy Borowitz
Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
Andy Borowitz
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
Andy Borowitz
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz
All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
Andy Borowitz
We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy Borowitz
It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
Andy Borowitz
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
Andy Borowitz
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Andy Borowitz
John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy Borowitz
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz
Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
Andy Borowitz
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Andy Borowitz
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
Andy Borowitz
White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
Andy Borowitz
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
Andy Borowitz