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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
Actually
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More quotes by Andy Borowitz
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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