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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Guide
Guides
Republican
Party
Actually
Born
Staunchly
Life
Platform
Platforms

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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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