Quote

Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

Andy Borowitz

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Remember
Back
Years
Delegates
Convention
Conventions
Welcome
Republican
Watches

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

Image
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
Andy Borowitz
Image
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
Andy Borowitz
Image
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
Andy Borowitz
Image
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
Andy Borowitz
Image
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
Andy Borowitz
Image
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Andy Borowitz