Quote

Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

Andy Borowitz

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Week
Republicans
Lasts
Candidates
Last
Comedian
Funny
Liked
Political
Excited
Every
Turned
Republican
Moron
Fool
Candidate

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

Image
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
Image
John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Image
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
Image
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
Andy Borowitz
Image
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy Borowitz
Image
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
Andy Borowitz
Image
To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
Andy Borowitz