Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
Andy Borowitz
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Home
Romney
Homes
Comedian
Staying
Hardest
Mom
Stay
Part
Deciding
More quotes by Andy Borowitz
The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy Borowitz
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
Andy Borowitz
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Andy Borowitz
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz
Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
Andy Borowitz
Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
Andy Borowitz
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy Borowitz
As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
Andy Borowitz
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy Borowitz
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
Andy Borowitz
Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
Andy Borowitz
It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
Andy Borowitz
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
Andy Borowitz
John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy Borowitz
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
Andy Borowitz