Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Politics
Comedian
Funny
Billions
Money
Schools
Political
Advertising
School
Spending
Right
Spend
Desperately
Would
Needed
Ads
Nice
Roads
More quotes by Andy Borowitz
Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
Andy Borowitz
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
Andy Borowitz
Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
Andy Borowitz
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Andy Borowitz
Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
Andy Borowitz
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Andy Borowitz
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy Borowitz
To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
Andy Borowitz
If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
Andy Borowitz
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
Andy Borowitz
The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
Andy Borowitz
Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
Andy Borowitz
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
Andy Borowitz
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz
I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
Andy Borowitz
White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
Andy Borowitz
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
Andy Borowitz
Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Andy Borowitz
