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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Money
Schools
Political
Advertising
School
Spending
Right
Spend
Desperately
Would
Needed
Ads
Nice
Roads
Politics
Comedian
Funny
Billions

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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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