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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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July
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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