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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Understand
Republicans
Believe
Comedian
Evolution
Theodore
Politician
Mitt
Republican
Roosevelt
Understanding
Abraham
Funny
Lincoln
President
Romney
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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