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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Passings
Author
Comedian
George
Independence
Jefferson
Passing
Mourning
Americans
Mourn
Funny
Declaration

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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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