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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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George
Independence
Jefferson
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Mourning
Americans
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Declaration
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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