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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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