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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Baby
Lasts
Last
Jesus
Homeless
Funny
Republicans
Political
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Liked
Person
Republican

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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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