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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Idea
Ideas
Look
Looks
Contraception
Take
Soap
Electricity
Agree
Harder

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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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