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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Electricity
Agree
Harder
Idea
Ideas
Look
Contraception
Looks
Soap
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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