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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Matter
Right
Hard
Would
Chicago
Life
Worse
Playing
Song
Remember

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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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