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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Song
Remember
Matter
Right
Hard
Would
Chicago
Life
Worse
Playing

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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