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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Life
Tweet
Hardest
Thing
Every
Something
Things

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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