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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Things
Life
Tweet
Hardest
Thing
Every
Something

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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