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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Changed
Technology
Used
People
Painfully
Witty
Boring
Private

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz