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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Changed
Technology
Used
People
Painfully
Witty
Boring
Private

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
Andy Borowitz
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
Andy Borowitz
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy Borowitz
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
Andy Borowitz
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz