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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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More quotes by Andy Borowitz
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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