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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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