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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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More quotes by Andy Borowitz
You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Andy Borowitz
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
Andy Borowitz
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
Andy Borowitz
I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
