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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
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Comedian
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
Comedian
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More quotes by Andy Borowitz
Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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