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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Technology
Funny
Able
Interact
People
Option
Status
Actual
Longer
Relationship

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
Andy Borowitz
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
Andy Borowitz
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
Andy Borowitz
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
Andy Borowitz
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
Andy Borowitz