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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Technology
Funny
Able
Interact
People
Option
Status
Actual
Longer
Relationship

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy Borowitz
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
Andy Borowitz
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
Andy Borowitz
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
Andy Borowitz
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
Andy Borowitz
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
Andy Borowitz
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
Andy Borowitz
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
Andy Borowitz
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
Andy Borowitz
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
Andy Borowitz
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
Andy Borowitz
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy Borowitz
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
Andy Borowitz
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Andy Borowitz
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
Andy Borowitz
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz