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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Able
Interact
People
Option
Status
Actual
Longer
Relationship
Technology
Funny

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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