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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Sweaters
Acceptable
Christmas
Cry
Help
Helping

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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