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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Sweaters
Acceptable
Christmas
Cry
Help
Helping
More quotes by Andy Borowitz
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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