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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz
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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Christmas
Totally
Baby
Went
Overboard
Shower
Showers
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Michele Bachmann says God made the earthquake and hurricane to punish us. Untrue - he made Michele Bachmann for that.
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Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
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Thanks to the Internet, people we might have only suspected of being idiots can now give us ample evidence.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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