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You can return all the Christmas gifts you want, but you will never get back the time spent with your relatives.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Spent
Return
Back
Never
Time
Relatives
Gifts
Christmas

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a religious meaning.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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