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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Popular
Bigger
Even
Would
Vampires
Vampire
Christmas

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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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Getting your news from Twitter is like asking a cat for directions.
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Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
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