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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
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Thanks
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Forget
Really
Never
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Birthdays

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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
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US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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If you are friends with the wrong people, Google+ autocorrects them
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We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
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Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
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The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
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Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
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I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
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As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
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I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.
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Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
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The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
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Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.
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