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Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Andy Borowitz

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Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
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Journalist
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Shaker Heights
Ohio
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More quotes by Andy Borowitz

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White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
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John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
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The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
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Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.
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NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
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Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
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To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
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If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
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Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
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The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
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It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.
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If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
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It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
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Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
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A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
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Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'
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Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
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Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
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