Quote

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Andy Borowitz

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Andy Borowitz
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 4
Author
Comedian
Journalist
Screenwriter
Writer
Shaker Heights
Ohio
Age
Forget
Really
Never
People
Birthdays
Birthday
Thanks

More quotes by Andy Borowitz

Image
US Airways made an $8 billion bid for Delta, including $4 billion in cash and $4 billion in lost luggage.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
Andy Borowitz
Image
As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Andy Borowitz
Image
White House political adviser Karl Rove was one of Robert Novak's sources for the 2003 disclosure of a CIA operative's identity, according to a story published today in Duh magazine.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The real news has gotten more surreal and absurd, and my fake news, if you want to call it that, has gotten more plausible. And at some point, those two trend lines crossed.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
Andy Borowitz
Image
A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz
Image
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
Andy Borowitz
Image
The only way to explain how some people dress for the airport is they think no one else will be there.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
Andy Borowitz
Image
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Image
To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Facebook's new relationship status option: No longer able to interact with actual people
Andy Borowitz
Image
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy Borowitz
Image
John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Andy Borowitz
Image
Maybe I'm a dreamer, but I wish mental health care was as easy to get as, say, a gun.
Andy Borowitz