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All parenting turns on a crucial question: to what extent parents should accept their children for who they are, and to what extent they should help them become their best selves.

Andrew Solomon

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Andrew Solomon
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: October 30
Author
Clinical Psychologist
Journalist
Novelist
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Help
Crucial
Helping
Extent
Become
Accept
Best
Accepting
Self
Parents
Children
Question
Parent
Selves
Turns
Parenting

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Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don't believe it.
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The absence of words is the absence of intimacy. There are experiences that are starved for language.
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If you are married and you go off and have an affair with someone, if you are a husband who does that, it may potentially hurt your wife enormously. But it seems to me likely also to compromise your marriage. That seems to me to be a harm.
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If the Mormon Church still supported polygamy, and if it appeared to be a system that was not exploitative of women, I wouldn't feel that it's my place to forbid it.
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The absence of marriages will result in all kinds of financial burdens that gay people wouldn't face if they could get married.
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Antonin Artaud wrote on one of his drawings, Never real and always true, and that is how depression feels. You know that it is not real, that you are someone else, and yet you know that it is absolutely true.
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I don't believe that there is anyone of faith whose faith would not be strengthened by those experiences of family.
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There is neither a cure for nor a way to repair autism. There is no implant like there is for the deaf.
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I just look at my own life, which is full of error as all life is. I have done plenty of things that I am not proud of.
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I grew up in a very rationalist household. My father, in particular, came from that mid-century tradition of thinking science will ultimately explain everything.
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Exercise because it's good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds.
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I'd had a vaguely Jewish upbringing, but no deep connection to faith.
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I had always wanted to have children, so it caused me a lot of grief when I was younger, and I had supposed that gay people could not be parents.
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Every organization does good and bad things.
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A large proportion of my best friends are a little bit crazy. ... I try to be cautious with my friends who are too sane. Depression is itself destructive, and it breeds destructive impulses: I am easily disappointed in people who don't get it.
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If I understand correctly, part of the objection to homosexuality used to have to do with the fact that gay people didn't reproduce. Part of it seems to have to do, as a lot of Christian resistance to gayness does, with a dim view of sex that is not procreative, and that is therefore lascivious.
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Some people are trapped by the belief that love comes in finite quantities, and that our kind of love exhausts the supply upon which they need to draw. I do not accept competitive models of love, only additive ones.
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Parenthood abruptly catapults us into a permanent relationship with a stranger.
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I had known a couple of people who had died, but the loss of my mother contained something of the profoundly unknowable.
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You need to take the traumas and make them part of who you've come to be, and you need to fold the worst events of your life into a narrative of triumph, evincing a better self in response to things that hurt.
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