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Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Andrew Dice Clay
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: September 29
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Take
Onstage
Long
Dirty
People
Seriously
Keys
Anybody
Coming
Funny
Anything
More quotes by Andrew Dice Clay
Life is like sex, baby - the more you put in, the more you get out. End of story.
Andrew Dice Clay
Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!
Andrew Dice Clay
I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.
Andrew Dice Clay
I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I'm awake. I always liked that. I like being able to drive when there's no traffic. It's almost like you own the street at night.
Andrew Dice Clay
I certainly don't walk around my home or being with my family and just using profane language all the time, but on stage, it's a constant.
Andrew Dice Clay
I just love the whole art form of acting, of being in front of a camera and playing different things. Not that I would ever say I'm the greatest actor in the world, but I am capable of playing different kinds of roles that emotionally I could get into.
Andrew Dice Clay
Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong.
Andrew Dice Clay
I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.
Andrew Dice Clay
I think that a lot of men, especially once they're married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don't treat her too special. They shut her off, and having sex before you go to bed is like a sleeping pill. I always say, you're supposed to remember the reason you even asked that girl out.
Andrew Dice Clay
The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There's nothing different in my language of how I say things.
Andrew Dice Clay
Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.
Andrew Dice Clay
When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.
Andrew Dice Clay
I've always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy.
Andrew Dice Clay
I never became a recluse where I got away from people and who they are and how they think. I'm very much in touch with the world.
Andrew Dice Clay
I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.
Andrew Dice Clay
Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?
Andrew Dice Clay
If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.
Andrew Dice Clay
I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.
Andrew Dice Clay
When you're at your own parents' funeral, when you're at somebody that you love's funeral, you realize how precious life is. And you say, As long as I can walk and I'm healthy, there's always tomorrow.
Andrew Dice Clay
Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up. It's a nervous excitement.
Andrew Dice Clay
