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Life is like sex, baby - the more you put in, the more you get out. End of story.

Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: September 29
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Baby
Story
Ends
Stories
Life
Like
Sex

More quotes by Andrew Dice Clay

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If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I always believed you could fix whatever problems.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.
Andrew Dice Clay
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There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance. There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously.
Andrew Dice Clay
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All the subject matter I talk about isn't new all comics talk about the same things. But it's how you talk about them or present them or what you look like up there that makes the difference between an okay comic and a great one.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it's my way of saying what's going on in the world. How people are animals, really.
Andrew Dice Clay
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You walk into my bedroom at night, it looks like a nightclub. There's all kinds of lighting effects, there's all kinds of music. I want them to feel like they're in for a show. I believe in romance.
Andrew Dice Clay
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There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!
Andrew Dice Clay
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Being onstage and performing, the high of that, and people coming to see you, and getting to make them laugh - that's what gets me hyped up. It's a nervous excitement.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say? I'm going to church? They're saying I want you to hang me by my tits from your ceiling and bite my ass. You know what I mean? That's what it says to me anyway.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I loved my family so much when I was growing up, my parents, my sister. I wanted to be able to give them everything they ever dreamed of.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, “I hate the rich.” From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don’t raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.
Andrew Dice Clay