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Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance. There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Andrew Dice Clay
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: September 29
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Might
Materials
Without
Theater
Many
Aren
Comics
Much
Watches
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Good
Watch
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Hours
Hour
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More quotes by Andrew Dice Clay
All the subject matter I talk about isn't new all comics talk about the same things. But it's how you talk about them or present them or what you look like up there that makes the difference between an okay comic and a great one.
Andrew Dice Clay
The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There's nothing different in my language of how I say things.
Andrew Dice Clay
When I do any stand-up, you're the writer, director, and producer. You're alone.
Andrew Dice Clay
I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.
Andrew Dice Clay
I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, “I hate the rich.” From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don’t raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies.
Andrew Dice Clay
I never go see a comic. The only one I'd ever really want to see is Don Rickles. He might be 80 years old, but he blows everyone out of the water.
Andrew Dice Clay
I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the assholes they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.
Andrew Dice Clay
Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously.
Andrew Dice Clay
There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!
Andrew Dice Clay
I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.
Andrew Dice Clay
Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong.
Andrew Dice Clay
I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.
Andrew Dice Clay
By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, What did I do wrong? What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.
Andrew Dice Clay
If Lady Gaga didn't put on all those outfits, she probably wouldn't have made it in show business. She put a show behind her voice.
Andrew Dice Clay
I'm an animal. I'm an animal in real-life and an animal onstage. I never became a recluse, I never lived up in the Hills where I didn't see real life. You know what I mean? I'm not still living in Brooklyn, but I'm still living in the street. I go out by myself, I don't go out with a million body guards, I run my own errands.
Andrew Dice Clay
When you jerk off, you're saying Hey, I care about me.
Andrew Dice Clay
Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!
Andrew Dice Clay
I just like to make people laugh.
Andrew Dice Clay
I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.
Andrew Dice Clay
My mother was the one who totally got behind me as far as, do things and ask questions later. My father would say, I don't care how dirty you are up there, just be funny. Because they knew me offstage. They knew I was a good guy. They knew my whole plan of becoming the most exciting comedian, visually, ever. A real rock-and-roll stand-up comic
Andrew Dice Clay
