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There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: September 29
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Many
Uterus
Shoe
Lady
Fell
Shoes
Lived
Kids

More quotes by Andrew Dice Clay

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I just love the whole art form of acting, of being in front of a camera and playing different things. Not that I would ever say I'm the greatest actor in the world, but I am capable of playing different kinds of roles that emotionally I could get into.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I think that a lot of men, especially once they're married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don't treat her too special. They shut her off, and having sex before you go to bed is like a sleeping pill. I always say, you're supposed to remember the reason you even asked that girl out.
Andrew Dice Clay
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When you jerk off, you're saying Hey, I care about me.
Andrew Dice Clay
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The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There's nothing different in my language of how I say things.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, Know how much money you'll make? And then it would just fail.
Andrew Dice Clay
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People have always been animals when it comes to sex. But since the Internet, it's become really out of control, in my opinion.
Andrew Dice Clay
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If you hide what you really are, then there's going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don't mind if a girl is aggressive. It's just sex.
Andrew Dice Clay
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By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, What did I do wrong? What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, “I hate the rich.” From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don’t raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!
Andrew Dice Clay
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Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs. I don't know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they've become the aggressors. You know? They're upset if you're not balls deep in them by half way through the first date! They think you don't like them.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Comics, as good as they might be, they didn't know much about performance. There aren't too many comics you could watch for an hour without getting tired. They might have good material, but it's about theater to me.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I don't get up and look at e-mail. I don't even know my e-mail address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It's just not what I'm about. I just don't want to waste my life with it. It's just too much I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?
Andrew Dice Clay
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I want to be able to make people laugh as hard as they possibly can, and I really think they need that.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I make people laugh hard I'm a comic, that's just the way it is. And I make them laugh because I'm funny, not because I'm filthy. The subject matter is dirty, but the pictures I paint are really funny. A lot of comics don't understand that that's what it's about. It's just, I'll be dirty and they'll laugh. Nobody's becoming a superstar that wa
Andrew Dice Clay
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I always believed you could fix whatever problems.
Andrew Dice Clay