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There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

Andrew Dice Clay

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Andrew Dice Clay
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: September 29
Comedian
Film Actor
Television Actor
Writer
New York City
New York
Many
Uterus
Shoe
Lady
Fell
Shoes
Lived
Kids

More quotes by Andrew Dice Clay

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Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say? I'm going to church? They're saying I want you to hang me by my tits from your ceiling and bite my ass. You know what I mean? That's what it says to me anyway.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs. I don't know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they've become the aggressors. You know? They're upset if you're not balls deep in them by half way through the first date! They think you don't like them.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Anybody can go onstage and be dirty. You have to be funny, that's the key. You can say anything as long as it's funny. You can't take it too seriously up there. And people coming to see you can't take it too seriously.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the assholes they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!
Andrew Dice Clay
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I'm an animal. I'm an animal in real-life and an animal onstage. I never became a recluse, I never lived up in the Hills where I didn't see real life. You know what I mean? I'm not still living in Brooklyn, but I'm still living in the street. I go out by myself, I don't go out with a million body guards, I run my own errands.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I’m a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.
Andrew Dice Clay
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By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, What did I do wrong? What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I'm awake. I always liked that. I like being able to drive when there's no traffic. It's almost like you own the street at night.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I always believed you could fix whatever problems.
Andrew Dice Clay
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The whole world has changed, so you just stay current with the world. There's nothing different in my language of how I say things.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I don't get up and look at e-mail. I don't even know my e-mail address. I needed one just to have a computer put on. But I never, ever even thought of going to it. It's just not what I'm about. I just don't want to waste my life with it. It's just too much I think people are just a little too absorbed in all of that.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I just love the whole art form of acting, of being in front of a camera and playing different things. Not that I would ever say I'm the greatest actor in the world, but I am capable of playing different kinds of roles that emotionally I could get into.
Andrew Dice Clay
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Comics, a lot of them, are really depressed people, and I happen to be somebody that does have a lot of confidence. That's the odd thing about my stand-up. I am very confident. I always was.
Andrew Dice Clay
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If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.
Andrew Dice Clay
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I've always had my voice as a comic. I was never that into politics, or prop comedy.
Andrew Dice Clay