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I did not lose myself all at once.

Amy Tan

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Amy Tan
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: February 19
Essayist
Film Writer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Writer
Oakland
California
Amy Ruth Tan
Loses
Lose

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I was punched breathless by the strongest emotions I have ever felt and they are now stored in my intuition as a writer.
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I let one thing result from another. Of course, all of it could have been just loosely connected coincidences. And whether that's true or not, I know the intention was there. Becasue when I want something to happen-or not happen- I begin to look at all events and all things as relevant, an opportunity to take or avoid.
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I don't steer clear of genres. I simply haven't steered myself toward some of them.
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I thought I was clever enough to write as well as these people and I didn't realize that there is something called originality and your own voice.
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It's both rebellion and conformity that attack you with success.
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I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvings on stone are worn down by water.
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Whenever my mother talks to me, she begins the conversation as if we were already in the middle of an argument.
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I think we often write because we feel a loneliness, and people read for the same reason, and then they come away feeling a little less lonely.
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When I returned home that day, I saw my life as if I already knew the happy ending of a story. I looked around the house and thought, soon I will no longer have to see these walls and all the unhappiness they keep inside.
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When my daughter looks at me, she sees a small old lady. That is because she sees only with her outside eyes. She has no chuming, no inside knowing of things. If she had chuming she would see a tiger lady. And she would have careful fear.
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All objects exist in a moment of time.
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On the third day after someone dies, the soul comes back to settle scores. In my mother's case, this would be the first day of the lunar new year. And because it is the new year, all debts must be paid, or disaster and misfortune will follow.
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I used to think that my mother got into arguments with people because they didn't understand her English, because she was Chinese.
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What is true about a person? Would I change in the same way the river changes color but still be the same person?... And then I realized it was the first time I could see the power of the wind. I couldn't see the wind itself, but I could see it carried water that filled the rivers and shaped the countryside.
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Sometimes you change to survive, and some things you don't give up, or you're too prideful, and then you think well, what's pride? Is it a good thing? Maybe it's a bad thing. That's what I look at in my life. It's always a question in my life I look at, and I never find the answer, because if I did, probably I wouldn't have books to write.
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That is the nature of endings, it seems. They never end. When all the missing pieces of your life are found, put together with glue of memory and reason, there are more pieces to be found.
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To come so far, to lose so much and to find nothing. -Jing-mei
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I discovered that maybe it was fate all along, that faith was just an illusion that somehow you're in control.
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If I now recognize evil in other people, is it not because I have become evil too?
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Because sometimes that is the only way to remember what is in your bones. You must peel off your skin, and that of your mother, and her mother. Until there is nothing. No scar, no skin, no flesh. -An-mei
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