Quote

I don't know my telephone number or anything like that, but when I do have to make a call, I just pull my body over to the side and squat. I don't want to be one of those people who are on their phone all the time.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
People
Number
Side
Call
Anything
Body
Squat
Make
Telephone
Time
Phone
Like
Pull

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Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later he may be with his real girlfriend.
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I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.
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As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: 'That was the best time I ever had,' and it's always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.
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although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.
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I live in the moment.
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Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.
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A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.
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When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That's not making chocolate-chip cookies.
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If I'm creating something for myself, then I want to have fun.
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I love old cookbooks. I just got such a kick out of them, how the color would be way off or fake looking. The cook books now look so much like magazines, you'll never make food that looks like that. I'd rather see it the ugly way than they way they do it now.
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I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.
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We're all used to seeing pretty people. I want to see real people.
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Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener's ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school.
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I always knew I didn't want kids, and I didn't want to get married.
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I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I've always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.
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I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.
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I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
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I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
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My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
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My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.
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