Quote

I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
Feelings
Bars
Kids
Guilt
Remember
Favorite
Think
Terrible
Thinking
Worst
Probably
Stole
Least
Candy
Feeling
Shock

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Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener's ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school.
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My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.
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I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I'm picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the '50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays - the new stuff just looks too good.
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I try to pick music for a diner that doesnt involve a lot of lyrics, so you're not paying attention to that. As long as it doesnt dominate the party, it should be more atmosphere music. When I'm by myself, I never play music.
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As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: 'That was the best time I ever had,' and it's always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.
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When I meet a new person, something has to be a little off for me to consider them beautiful. It could be crooked teeth, or veins in their skin that are a little too visible, or a really dramatic lazy eye. The first guy I ever kissed had a water head.
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I like dramas and stuff. That's what I watch, but it seems weird that I'd be in it.
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I need a costume to be convinced that I'm somebody else. Otherwise, it's just me. It's just Amy saying lines. I haven't really become somebody else. And what's the fun in that?
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If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit.
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I like to play unattractive people who think they're pretty. You can do what you want, but I prefer to look interesting.
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Imagination! My problem is that I have so many ideas, I never have enough time to use them all. Just the other day I thought up eleven things I could do with a flowerpot. Eleven! Three of those things didn't even involve plants.
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My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
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Don't make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you're really good, or it's going to be really practical. If it's a little thing you think is cute 'cause you made it, just forget it.
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I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
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I like to entertain in all aspects. When you're with somebody and you're out, you want to be entertained.
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I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.
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People always think I'm Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.
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Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.
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