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If you cannot come to the party, do not cancel at the last minute or give a message to a child to inform the host. And don't bother explaining why you can't attend because anything after 'because' is bullshit.
Amy Sedaris
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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
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Messages
Inform
Come
Minutes
Attend
Giving
Child
Explaining
Children
Party
Bullshit
Lasts
Host
Last
Bother
Cannot
Minute
Give
Message
Cancel
More quotes by Amy Sedaris
I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.
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My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it's true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it's right there.
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I've been to some funerals where there's a lot of laughing - it's about celebrating their new journey. I can't think of anything. There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything.
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I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.
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I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.
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I like to be the one in charge of everything.
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I feel confident writing on my feet with improv, but it's different when you're sitting down and writing it out.
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I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt.
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I want witchcraft so bad that I can't stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, 'See, magic happens.' Works every time.
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I like crafts that are made out of necessity because they're a little naive - you made it because you needed it.
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Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.
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I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.
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I always got along with all types of people - popular people as well as drug addicts.
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My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.
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I'm not a first-place person.
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People always think I'm Amy Poehler, which never bothers me. I mean, Amy Poehler is great.
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Begin your story with a sentence that will immediately grab hold of your listener's ears like a surly nun in a Catholic school.
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I have a couple freeloader friends, but it's okay. I know they're gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.
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A lot of crafters, they're shut-ins.
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I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again.
Amy Sedaris
