Quote

Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.

Amy Sedaris

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
People
Another
Active
Babies
Witches
Order
Dancing
Programs
Witchcraft
Part
Using
Forest
Imprisoned
Coven
Also
Program
Demon
Celebrating
Semen
Wells
Baby
Forests
Turkeys
Hypnotized
Well
Create
Celebrate
Turkey
Outreach
Think
Community
Males
Witch
Lesbians
Thinking
Use
Naked
Stolen
Legion

More quotes by Amy Sedaris

Image
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they're bored, and you're in a convalescent home, there's something entertaining about that, in a way.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn't be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievement, and I ran track and field. My grades were good, but then toward 11th grade they were nothing. I always went to summer school.
Amy Sedaris
Image
A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to be funny, you have to be willing to get ugly.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I don't know my telephone number or anything like that, but when I do have to make a call, I just pull my body over to the side and squat. I don't want to be one of those people who are on their phone all the time.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I have a couple freeloader friends, but it's okay. I know they're gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home I just choose not to. But because I'm such a homebody, it's important to be surrounded by things I love.
Amy Sedaris
Image
My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good.
Amy Sedaris
Image
You just can't enjoy any of the movie when you're in it.
Amy Sedaris
Image
Before you can give of yourself to others you must know what of yourself you have to give. Every person is special. In all the land there is only one you, possibly two, but seldom more than sixteen.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I like dramas and stuff. That's what I watch, but it seems weird that I'd be in it.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I like people who would rather something be discovered than shoved in your face.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I am an aging Girl Scout.
Amy Sedaris
Image
When I'm by myself, I never play music. I have a lot of it, for a girl, but I don't listen to it a lot. I hate picking music out, I'm not good at it.
Amy Sedaris
Image
If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there's something around me protecting me.
Amy Sedaris
Image
Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's room,' which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby's room because it confuses people and it's creepy.
Amy Sedaris
Image
There's humor in everything. There's gotta be humor in everything.
Amy Sedaris
Image
I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me.
Amy Sedaris