Quote

Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
Thinking
Use
Naked
Stolen
Legion
People
Another
Active
Babies
Witches
Order
Dancing
Programs
Witchcraft
Part
Using
Forest
Imprisoned
Coven
Also
Program
Demon
Celebrating
Semen
Wells
Baby
Forests
Turkeys
Hypnotized
Well
Create
Celebrate
Turkey
Outreach
Think
Community
Males
Witch
Lesbians

More quotes by Amy Sedaris

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I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again.
Amy Sedaris
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I wasn't a cliquey person, and I think that's because I came from a large family. I got along with everybody, and I usually got along with the people that people didn't like.
Amy Sedaris
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I like dramas and stuff. That's what I watch, but it seems weird that I'd be in it.
Amy Sedaris
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I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.
Amy Sedaris
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My father and I have a very good relationship. We always got along. But I always scold him.
Amy Sedaris
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All my muscles are in my face. I have a very muscular face. I'm good with faces. I always have been.
Amy Sedaris
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Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.
Amy Sedaris
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I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.
Amy Sedaris
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Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.
Amy Sedaris
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My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
Amy Sedaris
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I always want to look unattractive, it's more fun. I like playing opposites, people who aren't attractive who think they are pretty. That's always interesting to me.
Amy Sedaris
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That's how all theater should be done - you only have one chance to see it and then it's gone. One night only.
Amy Sedaris
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I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me.
Amy Sedaris
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If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it's a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention.
Amy Sedaris
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I'm very domestic I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don't break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years.
Amy Sedaris
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although it has been said that idle hands are the devil's workshop, when it comes to teenagers, both idle and active hands are the devil's workshop.
Amy Sedaris
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I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.
Amy Sedaris
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It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.
Amy Sedaris
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I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That's my least favorite feeling: guilt.
Amy Sedaris
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I love depressing movies and depressing books.
Amy Sedaris