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I'm not a first-place person.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
Persons
Person
Firsts
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More quotes by Amy Sedaris

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I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I've always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.
Amy Sedaris
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Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.
Amy Sedaris
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I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
Amy Sedaris
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There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a hospitable person and have groups of people in your home touching your personables.
Amy Sedaris
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I always find something to keep me busy.
Amy Sedaris
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I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.
Amy Sedaris
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On the off chance that you have children, don't clean up at all. As children, my brother and sister and I loved waking up early and playing cocktail party with the leftover debris
Amy Sedaris
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When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That's not making chocolate-chip cookies.
Amy Sedaris
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I am an aging Girl Scout.
Amy Sedaris
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I like to entertain in all aspects. When you're with somebody and you're out, you want to be entertained.
Amy Sedaris
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They just expected it to you know... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?
Amy Sedaris
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I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I'm picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the '50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays - the new stuff just looks too good.
Amy Sedaris
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It was more of their quirky show. It was more like a cult show. The ratings weren't really that high.
Amy Sedaris
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I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.
Amy Sedaris
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You think in a different way when you don't have any money. The joy of poverty is that you use your imagination to come up with stuff.
Amy Sedaris
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I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.
Amy Sedaris
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Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's room,' which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby's room because it confuses people and it's creepy.
Amy Sedaris
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Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.
Amy Sedaris
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I've never done heroin or slept with people for money or anything.
Amy Sedaris
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My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.
Amy Sedaris