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I'm not a first-place person.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
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More quotes by Amy Sedaris

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A lot of crafters, they're shut-ins.
Amy Sedaris
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I'm drawn to people who look different. I'm not exploiting. I'm not making fun of them. I'm drawn to them.
Amy Sedaris
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I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.
Amy Sedaris
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When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, 'Why don't you make it yourself.' It's like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That's not making chocolate-chip cookies.
Amy Sedaris
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I hate playing pretty or sane people. Most people are not attractive or all there.
Amy Sedaris
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My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good.
Amy Sedaris
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Well I went to New Orleans to cover the jazz festival for Trio, it's this new arts channel, it's really great.
Amy Sedaris
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Sometimes it's just enough for me to have the idea. I don't need to see it through to the end. When it actually happens, I'm always disappointed because it's never like what I imagined in my head. When an idea becomes a reality, then it's a job. I'd rather just think about it.
Amy Sedaris
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I have no desire to carry a movie.
Amy Sedaris
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Imagination! My problem is that I have so many ideas, I never have enough time to use them all. Just the other day I thought up eleven things I could do with a flowerpot. Eleven! Three of those things didn't even involve plants.
Amy Sedaris
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I love cop shows and crime books and thrillers, and before I die I'm gonna play a cop.
Amy Sedaris
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I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
Amy Sedaris
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I've never played anyone who didn't like themselves. I don't care if they're unattractive, but it's important that they think of themselves as attractive. And I guess that's part of their charm.
Amy Sedaris
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Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.
Amy Sedaris
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I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.
Amy Sedaris
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My favorite things often have a story behind them and are usually handmade or discovered at a flea market.
Amy Sedaris
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If I put my mind to something, it happens. I do know that's not necessarily psychic. But I always feel like there's something around me protecting me.
Amy Sedaris
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I'm not very good with drink recipes. If I'm entertaining, I like to come up with a house drink for the evening, one thing I'll make for the whole evening of the whole month.
Amy Sedaris
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There is nothing wrong with not wanting to be a hospitable person and have groups of people in your home touching your personables.
Amy Sedaris
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Don't answer the door in a wedding dress and veil, he might not think you're joking.
Amy Sedaris