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I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
First
Lasts
Giving
Last
Inanimate
Real
Comes
Owned
Night
Named
Give
Apartment
Ever
Name
Firsts
Alive
Everything
Names

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I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again.
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I've always been drawn to people with problems. Not just physical problems, but mental problems too. Like depressed people or killers, all that stuff.
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I don't mind pointing out some of the failings of old age, because we are all headed in that direction, unless of course we take our own lives before we become a burden. I'm not advocating suicide, oh wait, I guess I am.
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My kitchen's pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it's eye level - it's true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it's right there.
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I think it's good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.
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My mother always said 'Don't bother other people.' I think that's good advice.
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As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: 'That was the best time I ever had,' and it's always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.
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I'd rather have a part where you walk into a room and you leave. That's perfect for me.
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I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me.
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I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.
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I love theatrical props: a cup filled with solid fake tea, say, or a collection of fake food, including a rubber turkey, which, during the holidays, I wrap in tinfoil so it appears to have just come out of the oven.
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That's why I love improvisational theater so much - you do it [scene] once and then it's done. You don't get bogged down with a lot of preplanning and repetition. If I do something and it gets a laugh, I don't want to do it again. Why bother? I'm just repeating myself. It's boring.
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I wouldn't call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home I just choose not to. But because I'm such a homebody, it's important to be surrounded by things I love.
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I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
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It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.
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I am an aging Girl Scout.
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Accentuaute the positives - medicate the negatives.
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Don't associate me with comedy. And please don't say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.
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I have a couple freeloader friends, but it's okay. I know they're gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed.
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