Quote

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later he may be with his real girlfriend.

Amy Sedaris

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Amy Sedaris
Age: 63
Born: 1961
Born: March 29
Actor
Actress
Comedian
Film Actor
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Endicott
New York
Amy Louise Sedaris
Real
Piece
Later
Pieces
Leave
House
Jewelry
Women
Dating
May
Girlfriend
Back
Romance

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I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.
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I swear I want to be a food model.
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I live in the moment.
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I like to be the one in charge of everything.
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I love cop shows and crime books and thrillers, and before I die I'm gonna play a cop.
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As my guests leave even my most simple parties, I consistently hear the same thing: 'That was the best time I ever had,' and it's always me saying it. But I do know in my heart they all feel the same way, probably.
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I'm more of a clown, a tragic clown. Yeah. I just like humor to come out of characters.
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I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.
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I always find something to keep me busy.
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My characters always like themselves.
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If you see a shy person, ask them some questions like, 'Why are you so shy? Tell everyone, we're all listening.
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Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I'll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as 'the baby's room,' which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby's room because it confuses people and it's creepy.
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I'm not a good storyteller. I always think I'm going to get interrupted, or something's going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off.
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Crafting, or 'making things,' has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs.
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I really don't like going out. I don't like restaurants because I don't like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I've always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing.
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Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that's only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs.
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Gift-wrap the framed artwork on your walls and rehang them - what's nicer than a wall of presents to look at?
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I did shoplift but I didn't get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy.
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But I love how people who are musical, they know how to dress.
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It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires.
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