Quote

I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, 'Hey, I 69'd her on a cruise ship.

Amy Schumer

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Amy Schumer
Age: 43
Born: 1981
Born: June 1
Actor
Comedian
Not Funny
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Television Producer
Writer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Amy Beth Schumer
Shows
Channels
Reality
Cruise
Two
Ship
Think
Hey
Thinking
Ships
Like
Crazy
Guy
Actually
Flipping

More quotes by Amy Schumer

Image
You know what the worst part about my drinking is? When I'm drunk I slur. You know, like I say racial slurs. Wow, nobody likes that at a barbeque.
Amy Schumer
Image
I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.
Amy Schumer
Image
I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'
Amy Schumer
Image
I completely identify as female, believe it or not.
Amy Schumer
Image
I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.
Amy Schumer
Image
I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.
Amy Schumer
Image
Song Sixteen Going on Seventeen is actually about syphilis.
Amy Schumer
Image
My background is in theater. I was a theater major in college.
Amy Schumer
Image
I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.
Amy Schumer
Image
I think you can go from being not very funny to working really hard for 10 years and figuring out how to make a living on the road, but I don't think you can rise much above that.
Amy Schumer
Image
I'm not sure I'd classify any topics as off-limits, but I don't look for new territories to offend. There's my joke about when my roommate beat cancer. People talk about cancer survivors like they're warriors, but from where I was sitting, she was just watching television and eating soup. Like, did she go to war? No. She kind of just sat around.
Amy Schumer
Image
My mom's always saying really smart things... like, you probably heard this one, 'Why buy the cow when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one.
Amy Schumer
Image
It's a weird age. They're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still don't know whether to be like, 'Congratulations,' or 'Do you need a ride?
Amy Schumer
Image
The girls I grew up with they're living normal, adult lives. So they call me now and they're like, 'Amy, I'm pregnant.' And I still react like, 'What are you going to do? I'll drive you, I guess.
Amy Schumer
Image
I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
Amy Schumer
Image
Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?
Amy Schumer
Image
She's always bragging about the dumbest stuff. The other day she was telling me, she's like, 'You know I can still fit in my wedding dress.' I was like, 'Oh my god, who cares, right?' I mean it is weird that she's the same size now as she was when she was 8 months pregnant.
Amy Schumer
Image
My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And I was like, 'I do!' You believe your parents.
Amy Schumer
Image
I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.
Amy Schumer
Image
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
Amy Schumer